Amanda Kloots is opening up about the difficult experience of picking up husband Nick Cordero’s ashes.
In an emotional update on Saturday, the fitness instructor — whose husband died at the age of 41 last month from coronavirus complications — spoke about how the past few weeks have been “really hard” for her.
“I’ve literally felt like I can’t even function. Where I’m just kind of in a fog and I don’t even know what I’m doing or what I’m saying,” she said. “Thank God for my brother and sister-in-law because they’ve rescued me and [1-year-old son] Elvis a lot.”
Kloots went on to share that she had recently picked up her late husband’s ashes.
“It was beyond surreal and horrible. But they’re in my possession and a good friend of mine said some beautiful advice: look at it as you have him with you now,” Kloots said. “Which is really a nice way of looking at it, which is true.”
Although Kloots has been going through an emotionally difficult time, moving into a new home has given her “something to look forward to.”
“I know Nick would have just been through the moon, so it makes me excited to move in and live there and make it our own and make Nick’s presence there,” she said of their new Los Angeles home — which includes a touching a dining table built with the title of the late Broadway star’s hit song “Live Your Life” engraved onto its surface.
RELATED: Nick Cordero’s Wife Writes Heartbreaking Note About ‘Loss’ After His Death: ‘We Lost Our Family’
Kloots went on to share some of the things that have helped her through her grieving process so far. “The first thing is the friends and family support system is wonderful. You know, even people that just drop a text that say ‘thinking of you,’ or ‘love you,’ or ‘you’re not alone,’ or something,” she said, adding that taking up tennis, which isn’t “connected to my old life” has been enjoyable as well.
Her daily workouts with her sister-in-law have also helped give Kloots something to do “every day.” “No matter how sad or in a fog I am, I do it because I always feel better afterward,” she said.
RELATED VIDEO: Zach Braff Honors His Late Friend Nick Cordero with a Touching Tattoo Tribute
Although the process of moving has been exciting, the unpacking process has also been full of sorrows. “It’s been hard, you know,” she said, “sorting through everything and all of Nick’s stuff and deciding what to keep.”
One item that unexpectedly made her upset was unpacking The Grinch. “I started balling because that just made me sad thinking about Christmas already,” Kloots shared
“It’s a double-edged sword of trying to make yourself happy and also being in the constant reminder of the change and everything that’s happening in our lives right now,” she added.
RELATED: Nick Cordero’s Wife Says a ‘Piece of Him Is Still Alive’ in Their Son: ‘Elvis Is a Mini Nick’
Last week, the mother of one, who has been open about her grieving process, shared a touching tribute to mark the one-month anniversary of her husband’s death.
“I wish I could say it has got easier, but with each passing day I miss you more and more,” she wrote. “I wish I could see you, hold you, kiss you, talk to you, hear your voice, get a hug, see you with Elvis. Your huge presence in our lives is missed every second of every day.”
“I love you forever and always ❤️,” she added.
Prior to his death, Cordero was hospitalized at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles for more than 90 days due to complications related to the COVID-19 virus. During his hospitalization, the Tony-nominated actor faced a series of complications that led to septic shock and required him to have his right leg amputated.
In support of Cordero’s family, a GoFundMe page was created to raise funds for his medical bills.
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